The Loss of a Loved One

30/11/17 12:13 pm | Comments (0) | Posted By:

Having just lost my mother this year, there were many lessons I learned.

My mother did not have much in assets when she passed away but she did get a will prepared several years ago. I would strongly encourage that you make sure your parents have a will or trust in place and that you are informed as to their intentions. This can sometimes be a difficult conversation. My mother was 95 years old when she passed away and I was still struggling to get her to even bring up the subject of the eventuality of her death. Not until she was under the care of Hospice did she start informing me of what she wanted done with some of her personal effects.

My mother was a hoarder and had lived in her home for 46 years. One of the things she told me a few weeks before her death was that she felt bad for my husband who would have to deal with all of her things. As it turns out I am the one dealing with all of her things. Note to self – Do not do this to your kids. After this experience I am determined not to leave a mess for my children. My sister shared a Facebook post with me – ‘Death Cleaning’ is the newest way to declutter. Many are decluttering to save their loved ones stress down the road. Highly recommended.

In connection with my going through her things, I have found there is much that I wished we had talked about. Photos found that look precious and old that I don’t know anything about. I always wanted to make time to go through memories with her but never did. This is one of my deepest regrets. Find the time to spend with your parents to document these memories.

And finally, make sure you don’t make any tough decisions until you have had time to get through the grieving process. I was surprised at how hard her death hit me, even though as I said she was 95, and I knew it was eventually going to happen. Make sure you have a support team to help you through any immediate decisions you have to make. I was fortunate to have my daughter and husband with me that first week when I was making arrangements. It was difficult to make even what you would think are easy decisions.

When you lose a loved one, reach out to your Trusted Advisor when you are looking to make any financial decisions. This could be your attorney, financial advisor, or your CPA. I am now a firm believer that you should also have a family or friend support member of your team. Decisions are hard when you are grieving. Take the time to heal. And reach for support.

 

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